Return to Me
by Serena B
Summary: An Eries x Allen fic. Side story to Finding Her Roots. Yeah, I'm no good at summaries. ^_^;;; COMPLETE
1. Prologue

Standard Disclaimer: Escaflowne and it's characters don't belong to me.  I'm merely borrowing them.  Any other characters are from my own imagination.  I only write this stuff for fun, I don't make any money off of it, so please don't sue me.

AN:  Ok, I said these side stories were going to be one-shots, but the more I play with this, the more I think this one works better as a two-part fic with a short prologue.  So, here is the short prologue.  The first part will be out sometime shortly.  ^_^   Enjoy.  

Return to Me

The war was over and Allen was home again, his sister Celena returned to him.  The servants at his house were hastily cleaning out the rooms that had gone unused for years.  Allen had been away for so long the place had pretty much been closed up.  He had just seen Celena settled in her old bedroom.  He wandered out onto the large garden to enjoy the cool breeze.  It was very odd, having her back after so many years.  He didn't want to admit to himself that he had given up all hope of ever seeing her again.  

"Sometimes things turn out the way you least expect them to."

Allen turned sharply towards the voice.  "Eries."  She was there looking as regal as always in a pale silver dress that perfectly complimented her fair skin.  She had always been able to read his moods fairly well.  "Thank you for helping me out with the house today."

"It was no trouble, Allen."

"But still, I'm totally inept when it comes to running a household."

She smiled slyly at him.  "Ah, yes, but you are much better with a sword than I.  So you see, it all balances out in the end." 

Allen sighed.  "Does it, Eries?"

"Please, Allen.  Don't go all pessimistic on me again.  There's only so much I can handle before I start thinking about finding the nearest cliff so that I can throw myself off of it." Allen only let out another sigh.  "Alright, clearly you are in no mood for jesting.  Will you tell me what's bothering you?"

Eries.  She had always been his one true friend.  Ever since childhood, she had shared his darkest secrets and he hers.  

"You're thinking about Marlene again, aren't you?" She sighed.  "Don't deny it.  I can tell by your expression.  You are wearing that forlorn look that you've mastered so well."

"Eries, please.  Your sarcasm isn't helping my mood to improve."

"Allen, you could always tell me anything.  But, if you want to start keeping your own council now, that's quite alright with me.  So, I'll just be heading back to the palace then, since my services here are no longer needed.  Good-bye."  She turned abruptly and began to walk away from him.  Suddenly she felt his strong arms wrap around her from behind causing her to pause in mid stride.  She could feel his warm breath against her ear; he was so close to her.  "Um…Allen?"   

Eries had always loved Allen, it's true.  But, she had made up her mind long ago to never reveal her feelings to him.  She knew Allen had been through so much in his life and she wanted to help him, so she decided to be his friend.  She remembered her first meeting with him, years ago.  They were both children, and their innocence had yet to be lost.  


	2. Part One: Encounters

Standard Disclaimer: Escaflowne and it's characters don't belong to me.  I'm merely borrowing them.  Any other characters are from my own imagination.  I only write this stuff for fun, I don't make any money off of it, so please don't sue me.

AN:  I hope this makes up for the 'skimpy' prologue.  ^_~   This part consists of flashbacks that alternate from Eries' and Allen's pov (mostly from Eries') leading up to the point in which the prologue begins.  Additional author's notes are at the end.  Enjoy.  

Part One:  Encounters

Allen's family was well respected in Asturia and they had a large estate in the capital city near the palace.  We had been the best of friends that year; both of us had celebrated our tenth birthdays.  My mother would often entertain ladies of the court, and Allen's mother would bring her children along to play in the garden with us, the 'little princesses'.  Allen didn't care much for tea parties, and instead used the time to practice with his sword.  I was quiet and didn't much care for socializing.  So, instead of joining my sisters in their play, I would find a nice spot in the shade of a tree to settle down with a book and watch Allen hone his skills.  I never interrupted him, but one day, much to my surprise, he came and sat next to me.  I said nothing and continued to stare at the pages of my book as if I hadn't even noticed his presence.  After a while, he spoke.  

"You're always alone.  Don't you like company?"

"I suppose not.  Why do you practice so much?"

"My mother says I'm destined to do great things in my life.  I want to be prepared.  What are you reading?"

I handed him my book and he read the title than handed it back to me.  "Faery stories?  You enjoy those types of tales?  You always look so serious; I would have figured you'd be reading some boring book about politics or something."

I considered for a moment before I answered.  "I also want to be prepared for my future; I'm practicing being a damsel in distress."  I put the back of my hand against my forehead said in an overdramatic voice, "Please, Sir Knight.  Won't you save me from my horrible fate?"

Allen smiled curiously at me, but he played along saying, "And what is this 'horrible fate' that awaits you, fair damsel?"

"My father has betrothed me to a prince, only he's not a prince, but a dragon in disguise!"

"I shall slay him for you then.  Point him out to me," he said examining several small bushes as if they were people.

I grinned.  "He's that big fat one right there, the one with all the thorns."

Allen stood, drawing his sword.  He approached the bush cautiously and then stabbed at it once, right through its middle.  It was one of the most ridiculous things I had ever seen in my life.

He turned to me, laughing, and I joined him.  We were friends from that moment on.  Every time he visited I would sit under the tree pretending not to watch him and, eventually, he would wander over to sit with me for a while.  

Celena and Millerna had also become fast friends.  Millerna was always talking the poor girl into doing something, and Celena would almost always try it; both of them had adventurous spirits that all too quickly led to trouble.  Once, they had ended up covered by beestings because Millerna had been curious as to what exactly it was that bee's did in a beehive. By then end of the summer, Marlene had decided that she was too old to be playing with a bunch of children and had stopped coming around, instead preferring to sit indoors and gossip with her maids all day.

One day Allen's mother had come to collect her children a bit earlier than usual, interrupting our leisure time.  

"But, Mother, you're _early today!" Celena complained._

"Her Majesty was not feeling well, darling.  Allen, come dear.  The carriage is waiting."

Mother took ill and the mood about the palace became somber.  Father stayed with her as much as he could of course, but there was nothing more he could do for her.  All the doctors concluded the same thing; Mother was dying.  I stayed shut up in my room.  I was in no mood to talk to anyone.  At night, I would hear Marlene in the next room over trying to comfort Millerna who had begun to have nightmares and cried out in her sleep.

I wanted to talk to someone, to let my feelings out.  Marlene and I had never been close as sisters; she and Millerna had always shared a deeper bond for some reason.  One night, when I could take Millerna's crying no longer, I snuck out of the palace and went down into the gardens.  They were usually deserted at night, but this time there had been a figure sitting under my favorite tree.  As I came closer, I realized it was Allen.  At first glance I thought he had been sleeping, as he had his knee's brought up to his chest and his face buried against them in the protection of his arms.  But then, I heard him making little noises and I thought he might be crying.  I didn't know what was going on, but Allen was my friend, so I went and sat beside him, saying nothing.  He must have sensed my presence because he had stopped making those little noises although he didn't look up at me.  I left him alone for a few minutes but then decided I couldn't take the silence any longer.  

"Allen?  What's wrong?"

Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at me.  His eyes were red.  He looked so un-Allen like.  He looked scared.  But, Allen wasn't scared of anything, was he?

"I've lost her," he said, his voice, although hoarse, still held a note of panic in it.

"You've lost who?"

"My sister.  I thought she may have come here.  I've looked everywhere but I can't find her."

"How long have you been looking?"

"Almost two days."

I was shocked.  Two days?  Where could she have gone in all that time?

I helped him look for Celena until the wee hours of morning.  It helped to take my mind off of my own troubles.  As the first light of morning dawned, I left Allen only after he had promised that he would go home and rest before searching again.  Wearily, I crept back into the palace and slid in to my bed falling into an uneasy slumber.  

I didn't see Allen much after that night.  I was kept busy as my mother grew sicklier and Allen was faced with his own mother's illness.  The few times I did see him he had changed; he had grown moody and distant, barely nodding a polite greeting if we passed by one another.  Our encounters grew increasingly infrequent, until one day he disappeared altogether.

~*~

I left my home and everything I had ever known.  I told myself that there was nothing there for me any longer; no reason to stay in a place where everyone whispered about you as you passed them by.  No one would miss me.  I had contemplated telling Princess Eries that I was going away, she had always been a friend, but I convinced myself that she had enough to deal with because of her mother's recent death.  The Queen had died of the wasting disease.  The same thing had claimed my own mother's life only weeks before.   

So, with nothing but my sword at my side and the clothes on my back (and a mountain sized chip on my shoulder) I left the comfort of city life to wander the forests.  It wasn't long before I ran into Balgus, one the greatest sword masters on all of Gaea.  He saved my life, in more ways than one.  He took me under his wing, so to speak, and instructed me in the honorable profession of swordsman.  It was a long road.  At night I would often dream about Celena and our happy times visiting at the palace with Mother.  My daydreams, however, consisted of a certain fair-haired princess.  _One day, __Eries__, I'll return and I'll slay your dragons…and mine as well._

~*~

By my fifteenth year I had almost given up hope of ever seeing my friend again.   So, I was more than a little surprised when Allen Schezar came waltzing back into my life.  The master swordsman Balgus of Fanelia had brought Allen home to Asturia.  He relinquished care of Allen to my father and the King reluctantly accepted after Allen had proven his skills with the sword.  King Aston had been impressed enough that he had suggested that Allen compete for the coveted position of Knight Caeli.

I had been waiting for the right moment to corner him, ever since he had made his miraculous return.  Finally, the opportunity presented itself a couple of weeks after he had come back.  I came across him in the gardens quite unexpectedly.  He was sitting under our old tree sharpening his sword.  

"Allen."  He looked up from his task.  His eyes registered recognition.

"Eries?  Is it really you?"

I nodded.  "It's been a long time, Allen Schezar."

He was quiet for a long time.  "I was hoping I might run into you here.  But, now that you're here, I…don't know what to say."

"How about 'sorry for leaving without so much as a good-bye, Eries.  I promise never to do it again.  Blah, blah, blah.'  Or something to that affect."

Allen smiled.  It wasn't a true smile, though.  His eyes didn't shine like used to.  "I'm sorry, Eries.  I had to leave, though.  I couldn't stand being here anymore.  I hope you can understand.  And forgive me?"

"Of course.  What are friends for, after all?"

"Right."

And, just like that, we were friends again.  I spent much of my time with him strolling in the gardens and talking with him as we did when we had been children.  He told me about his time spent with Balgus, and about the different places they had visited in their travels.  For weeks we went on like that and, except for the spark of life that seemed to have gone out of him, it was almost as if we had never parted.  Then the date of the tournament came and Allen was awarded the open spot in the Knights Caeli.  I was so proud of him because he was making his dreams come true, despite all the hardships he had gone through.  

Then he had to ruin it all by falling in love with my sister.  

Allen had been given guard duty over Marlene.  Once he was in his new position he hardly had time to spend with me anymore.  I went to visit with my sister, hoping to at least be in Allen's company.  But Marlene was refusing all visitors, including her sisters, with the excuse that she was ill.  So, I moped about the palace along with Millerna, who was feeling our sister's absence most keenly.  

Finally, Marlene had sufficiently recovered to allow us entrance to her quarters.  I must confess, she didn't look as if she had been ill at all.  In fact, she looked healthier than I had ever seen her.  I soon found out the reason.  She was in love, she had declared to me in secret, with none other than my best friend, Allen Schezar.

I was jealous, it's true.  Yet, Marlene had accomplished something that I had begun to think was impossible; she had brought back the old Allen.  When I saw him with her later I could tell how happy he was.  He hadn't been like that since he had returned to Palas.  What had she done to bring his smile back?  And why couldn't I have had the same effect on him?  

~*~

King Aston had decided that I would suit as a royal guard for his eldest daughter.  I was pleased at the duty although, because Marlene spent much of her time away from her family, I didn't have the opportunity to visit Eries as much as I used to.  During my days with Marlene I often marveled at how different the three princesses were from one another.  Marlene.  She was delicate beauty personified.  She reminded me of my mother in that way.  She was quiet and kept to herself, choosing to isolate herself from the rest of the royal family.  Eries, while also quiet, had a strength about her that Marlene seemed to lack.  I sometimes think that she is the glue that holds everything together; without her we would all just fall apart.  Millerna was a bold little girl, perhaps a bit too much so at times.  Three sisters, so different, yet each beautiful in their own way.

Although it was Eries that I befriended, it was Marlene who held my heart.  To me, she seemed to be everything a lady should be.  She was the perfect embodiment of femininity.  As I spent my days watching over her I began to detect a certain sadness about her.  At first, she didn't speak much to me; she just went about her daily routine, seemingly unaware of my presence.  Although, sometimes I did catch her sneaking glances at me when she thought I wasn't looking.  Gradually, we became friends.  Then one day I realized that I wanted to be more than her friend.  I wanted to protect her forever, and not just as a knight doing his sworn duty, but as a man; as a husband would protect his wife.  Marlene told me she loved me.  And I was helpless, lost in a sea of blue that was her eyes.  I told her I loved her also, and that moment sealed our fates forever.   

I was young and perhaps more than a bit naïve at the time.  I foolishly believed that we could go on together like that for the rest of our lives.  I actually dreamed of making her my wife one day.  Those dreams were shattered when her engagement to the Duke of Freid was announced by her father one evening.

I was furious with her.  She knew how I felt about her.  How could she consent to such a thing?

"Allen, you don't understand…I _have to marry him.  Because of the scandal surrounding your family, Father will never allow me to marry you.  But, I have to marry, I __have to…or…"_

I was so angry.  Ignoring her tears and her pleas for understanding, I stormed out of the room and out of her life forever.  The last time I saw her was at her wedding and the sight of her walking down the aisle was almost too much for me to bear.

The night before the wedding I had realized that I had to make some sort of apology to Marlene, or else I'd regret it for the rest of my life.  I wrote down my feelings and sought Eries out, hoping she'd be willing to help me.

"Will you take this letter to her?"  She didn't react the way I had hoped.

"I absolutely refuse to have anything to do with it.  You're mad if you think I'd agree to such a thing."

"And you've grown into a right stubborn wench!"  My eyes widened in shock as I realized exactly to whom I'd been speaking; Eries was my friend, but she was also a Royal Princess of Asturia and as such deserved the utmost respect.  I shouldn't have spoken so basely to her.  I'd been taught better manners by both Balgus and my Mother before him.  

"I'm sorry, Princess Eries…I—I don't know what—"

She laughed so hard tears came to her eyes.  By the time she had gained control of herself.  I was looking at her with one eyebrow raised in question.  

"You find my discomfiture amusing, Your Highness?"

She only nodded, lest the laughter take hold of her again.  

"I see," I said quietly.  

"Oh Allen, I wasn't making fun of you, truly.  It's been so long since I laughed like that…and the look on your face…"  She let out a few more undignified giggles before she continued.  "Please don't be mad with me.  I couldn't bear to lose your friendship; you're the only person that tolerates my sense of humor."

I smiled grimly.  "You should have been born a man, Your Highness.  With that sharp wit of yours you would have made a wonderful king."

"But, alas, I am just a poor helpless female."

I laughed at her sarcasm.  "I know no other female that is less capable than you, Eries.  Please, I beg of you.  Just do this one thing for me, and I'll never ask anything else of you ever again.  It's important that she knows how I feel."

She sighed.  "I could get in a lot of trouble if anyone were to find out, Allen."  My disappointment must have shown for she took the note from my hand and shoved it in a pocket within the folds of her skirts.  Later that night Eries delivered Marlene's reply.  

_A~_

_I'm glad that you found it in your heart to forgive me.  I hope one day I can forgive myself for what I've had to do.  I think it would be best if you tried to forget me, although, be assured that I shall never forget you._

_M~_

"Allen?"

I looked up from the letter at the sound of Eries' voice.  She was watching me with a concerned expression.  "I'm alright.  Thank you, for all you've done.  I'll find a way to repay you some day."  

~*~

I didn't enjoy myself at the wedding.  How could I?  I couldn't stand seeing the pain in my sister's eyes; nor Allen's.  I tried to convince myself that the pain in my chest was not my heart breaking.  

His duty as a Knight Caeli had assured his presence there, even if I knew he wished to be elsewhere.  I watched as Marlene and my new brother by marriage walked down the aisle passing the Caeli on their way from the alter.  I hated my father in that moment.  I knew Father was doing what he thought was right for Asturia, but what about what was right for his children?  Didn't he care about our happiness at all?  I did ask him that later, after Marlene had left for Freid.  For an answer I received a slap across the face and a cold reminder that we were born as royalty and with that came certain responsibilities.

After the wedding there was a large reception in the ballroom at the palace.  There were people from all over Gaea in attendance.  I spent much of the time trying to avoid the attentions of Prince Lenair from Daedalus.  

A few weeks after the wedding Father summoned me to his quarters.  I had no idea what was waiting for me.  He was seated behind a large desk peering over some documents when I entered.  

"Ah, daughter, have a seat," he said, gesturing towards a large chair facing him.  I sat down and waited for him to continue.  "I have received an offer for your hand in marriage."  I had certainly not expected this announcement.  "His name is Prince Lenair.  I believe you made his acquaintance at your sister's wedding.  He comes from Daedalus and, frankly, he seems quite taken with you.  He's the oldest son, and set to inherit the crown.  A union between the two of you would only enforce the alliance between our countries.  He said there's no hurry, I informed him you were only fifteen—"

"I accept."

I could tell that Father had not been anticipating on my quick agreement.  He had probably expected me to put up some sort of fuss as Marlene had.  Of course I, Eries, had always been his most obedient daughter.  I knew my duty and I would see it through.  I had no hopes for a love match and I wouldn't allow myself to dream of spending my married days with a certain blue-eyed Caeli Knight.  Especially when I knew that he was still in love with my sister.  So, as much as it hurt me, I decided to accept the marriage proposal.  Because, I knew it would hurt me even more if I stayed in Asturia and watched Allen pine for someone else.  

"And, I don't want to wait, Father.  I'd like to have it over and done with as soon as possible."  

~*~

I couldn't believe it when I heard the news of Princess Eries upcoming nuptials so soon after Marlene's own wedding.  For some reason I felt like she had betrayed me also.  I knew Eries didn't want an arranged marriage any more than Marlene had.  I know Marlene wasn't strong like her sister, she couldn't have held out against her father's wishes.  But Eries, I think she could have married anyone she wanted to if she had set her mind to it.  She had inherited much of King Aston's headstrong ways.

I corned her late one evening in the stables after she had just come in from a ride.  She was just about to head back to the palace when I caught up with her.  "Why did you do it, Eries?"

"News travels fast, I see," she said with a weary sigh.

"You don't love him."

"Of course I don't.  I just want to be rid of this place, Allen."

"I never figured you'd be the type to run away."

"And I suppose you'd know, considering that you're an expert at it yourself."  The barb hit home.  I felt myself lose what little ground I had.  

"You're absolutely right.  I shouldn't have interfered anyway, it's just that…you're the closest thing I have to family now, and I don't want to lose you."

"I can't escape my duties as a Royal Princess of Asturia."

I winced at that statement.  It wasn't like her to be so bitter.  "Surely, if anyone knows about duty it is me.  I need no reminders of that, Eries."

"I'm sorry, Allen.  I shouldn't have reminded you…"  She gave me a bright smile that didn't quite mask the pain in her eyes.  "Allen, don't worry about me.  I'll be fine.  I promise.  And, if it's our friendship you are worried about, rest assured Allen Schezar, no matter where I go, you'll always be with me in my heart.  You could never lose me."

I sighed, defeated.  "I'm not going to change your mind about this, am I?"

"Nope.  Remember, I'm a stubborn wench."

~*~

A month later I was married.  The whole thing seemed to pass by in a haze; the wedding, the reception, all of it.   Lenaire and I left for Daedalus immediately after the reception by airship.  I was silent for most of the trip, only speaking when someone asked me a question.  We reached his home later that night.  It was a quiet little villa, just outside the capital city.  A maid showed me to my quarters.  They were spacious.  The bedroom was decorated with tapestries and paintings, the bed linens of the finest quality.  I sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, dismissing the maid.  I undressed and pulled back the covers, sliding between them and was sound asleep within moments. 

Later that night, I awoke with a start.  Someone was in my room.  I was about to scream, but a hand clamped over my mouth preventing any sound I had been about to make.  

"Shhh, it's only me."  It was Lenair.  I relaxed and he removed his hand.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think?"  He pulled back the covers and climbed into the bed beside me.  

I forced myself not to panic and lay perfectly still.  I wasn't prepared for this and I suddenly wanted to change my mind about the whole marriage thing.  He let out a frustrated growl and slapped me in the face when I refused to respond to his kisses.  I was too surprised to scream.  When he was finished with me I lay beneath him trembling in fear.  Finally, he rose and left the room without another word.  I cried myself to sleep for the first time in my life.

It came to be that I dreaded the coming of night.  I never knew when he would come to me and the anticipation of one his visits was more mentally draining than his physical abuse.  I avoided him as much as possible during the day, choosing to spend most of my time shut up in the library.  My life became a sheltered existence.  I only ventured out to visit the gardens or for meals; there I couldn't escape his presence.  Sometimes his mother and sister would come to dine with them.  I don't know what made me more uncomfortable; dining in silence with my husband or enduring his mother's whispered comments about me.  "Doesn't she ever speak?" she asked her son one time.

"Ask her yourself, Mother.  She's sitting right in front of you."

I lowered my eyes when the Queen turned her attention to me and waited for the woman to go back to her dinner.  

It was nearly a year later, when at dinner one night, Lenair announced that my little sister was coming to visit.  I only nodded at this news and asked to be excused from dinner early.  

"Your wife looks unwell, Lenair," I heard my Mother by marriage remark as I left the room.  "You should see to her."

"Eries can take care of herself, Mother."  

I made my way to my bedroom and sat down at the vanity.  I looked at my reflection in the looking glass.  It was true; I did look sickly.  My hair was dull and my eyes had dark circles indicating my lack of sleep.  My porcelain complexion was even paler than usual.  _I look like the walking dead, I had thought to myself.  __And now Millerna is coming.  I can't let her see me like this.  With a determined nod, I grabbed a brush and began to try to work some life back into my hair._

Princess Millerna Sara Aston arrived at Lenair's villa a few days into spring.  I had done my best to try to fix my appearance, but I still looked like a ghost of my former self.  I was desperately hoping Millerna wouldn't notice.  _She's still a child, after all.  Thankfully, my husband had been summoned to the palace by the King only the day before.  I didn't expect him back for at least a week's time, maybe more.  _

I sighed and went to the doorway to welcome my sister.  After the carriage pulled up the door burst open and Millerna came running up the path towards me.  I felt myself smile for the first time in months.  

"Sister!" Millerna cried happily as she launched herself into my arms.  I hugged my little sister close, wincing slightly when Millerna inadvertently brushed against a bruise on my shoulder.  I happened to glance over Millerna's head just then and I felt my heart lurch at the sight before me.

"Allen…"

Millerna finally gave up her hold on me.  She turned and also looked at the knight.  He was standing by the carriage.  "Allen!  Come over here, Allen!" Millerna called to him with a giggle.  

"Millerna!" I admonished.  "That's not proper behavior for a young lady, much less a Royal Princess of Asturia."  Millerna only rolled her eyes at me and bounded down the path towards Allen.  She said something to him, he shook his head and glanced up at me.  Apparently, Millerna was not to be deterred.  She grabbed Allen's hand with one of her own and began walking towards me, effectively dragging the knight behind her.  

"Eries, tell Allen he has to eat with us tonight," Millerna demanded.

I looked up and my gaze locked with Allen's.  "Will you have dinner with us?" I asked before I realized what I was doing.  

Allen nodded.  "I would be honored, Princess."  

Millerna laughed again and Allen followed us into the house.

I told Allen he was welcome to explore the grounds while I settled Millerna in one of the spare rooms to let her rest up before dinner.  I knew Millerna was tired from traveling.  Afterwards, I went outside to walk in the gardens and enjoy the late afternoon sunlight.  I sat on a stone bench and plucked a leaf off of a nearby bush letting my eyes drift shut for a moment.

"Eries?"  It was Allen.  My eyes snapped open.  He was standing in front of me watching me with a concerned expression.   I shifted on the bench so that he had room to sit beside me.  

"Sit down.  I'm not going to converse with you like this; I'll get a stiff neck from looking up at you."  He sat down next to me.  We were both silent for several minutes.

"Where is your husband?" Allen asked finally.

"He's away at the palace."

"Have you been ill?"  

"N-no!  What makes you think that?"

"You look ill, and…how come you didn't write back to Millerna?"  

"I never received any letters from my sister," I whispered, looking away from him.

Allen sighed loudly and muttered a curse.  I could tell that he was losing his patience me.  "Damn it, Eries.  Something is wrong here.  Why won't you tell me?"

"It's nothing, Allen.  Everything's fine."

"The hell it is," he said grabbing my upper arm to force me to turn towards him.  I cried out in pain and he let go of me.  "Eries, I'm sorry…I didn't mean…"  I was holding my hand over the spot where he had grabbed me.  It was then that he must have noticed the tears in my eyes.  He reached over and gently removed my hand from my shoulder.  He touched the area lightly and I winced.  I saw the anger gather in his eyes.  I had a sinking feeling in my stomach at the sight of those blue eyes burning with anger.  

"Allen, please…what are you thinking?"

"I'll kill the bastard," he said in a low voice.  

I laughed then, as I let the tears flow freely down my face.  Allen looked at me like I'd lost my mind.  Perhaps I had.  "You don't know how much I've wished for that over the past few months," I told him as I wiped the tears away with the backs of my hands.  "Now you know my secrets, just as I know yours," I murmured.  "You don't think my sister noticed anything, do you?"

"No.  She was too excited to notice much of anything."

"Please, don't say anything to anyone."

"You promised me you'd be fine, Eries.  I never should have let you go through with it, but you always were a willful girl."

"I still am, Allen.  I don't regret my decision.  I've learned from my mistake, is all.  Now, enough of this sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves.  For the rest of my sister's visit we will only discuss pleasant things, or we will discuss nothing at all.  Agreed?"

Allen shook his head, and smiled grimly.  "You're right.  You still are a stubborn wench."

I laughed, relieved that he wasn't going to pursue the topic any longer, and changed the subject.  "I see Millerna has you wrapped around her little finger already.  I haven't been gone that long, have I?"

~*~

I never did tell Eries, but after visiting her at her husband's house, I took a short trip to the capital city where Prince Lenair was staying.  I was enraged at the way Eries had been treated by her husband.  She had accepted her fate with that quiet resolution that was so typically Eries.  But, I couldn't stand by and do nothing knowing what I did.  No woman should have to endure such treatment.  Eries had once done a huge favor for me and I owed her a debt, but I had thought about it on the way to the capital, and as far as I could see, there was only one way to get Eries out of that marriage.

I tracked him down one day when he was walking through the city's streets.  He was alone; I couldn't believe my good fortune. 

~*~

A few weeks after Millerna's visit, my husband arrived home and surprised me with some pleasant news for once.  "You're going home," Lenair announced that night at dinner.  I wasn't sure what he meant at first.  Home to Palas?   I waited for him to continue.  "I've been granted an annulment.  All you need to do is sign the papers."

"Annulment?  On what grounds?"  

His smile was strained and he seemed a bit nervous.  Something had obviously happened while he had been away, but I had no clue as to what it could have been.  "I told my father you were barren.  He was furious; sent quite a nasty letter to your father, I understand."

"Oh.  But, what if I'm not?  Barren, I mean."

"Why do you care?  I was under the impression that you didn't much like being married to me.  Perhaps you've changed your mind?"

I shook my head slowly in response.

"I didn't think so.  Well, it seems that it is in both our best interests if you are sent back to Asturia, then."

I blessed every god I could think of for my turn of good fortune; I was going home.

Three weeks later I was back in Palas breathing in the sea air.  It felt like forever since I'd been home, but it had only been a little more than a year in actuality.  Perhaps it was because I'd changed so much in my absence; I wasn't the same girl I had been before leaving.  I found myself thinking that old adage was true; you can never go home again.  My father hadn't exactly celebrated my homecoming.  He blamed me for causing the royal family public embarrassment.  He said I was officially in disgrace and would probably never marry again under the circumstances.  Of course, that hadn't really troubled me in the least.  After the horrid ordeal I had gone through, I was actually pleased that I was no longer on the marriage market.

By the time I had arrived home, Allen had been sent away from the capital.  King Aston had sent Allen to guard a small fortress on the border of Fanelia.  I knew that my father had only done it because he wanted to be rid of Allen.  What my father didn't realize, however, is that Allen was probably just as happy to be leaving Palas and all it's memories behind.  I missed him, but I couldn't help feeling it was the best thing for him.  

Especially in light of the latest news I had received.  Marlene had given birth to a healthy baby boy almost nine months after her wedding to the duke.  Almost nine months.  I immediately had my suspicions, but I couldn't prove them.  I told myself that it couldn't be true, Allen wouldn't have done that.  Ignorance is bliss and I didn't want to know the truth.  

About six months after the birth of the little prince, Millerna and I went to visit our older sister.  I had my worst fears confirmed then.  Chid looked nothing like the duke.  His blonde hair and blue eyes could have come from Marlene, it's true, but he looked so much like a miniature replica of Allen that I almost wept.  

I brought up the situation as delicately as I could to my sister.

"He knows," Marlene told me.  "He knows, Eries, but he says he doesn't care.  He said he'd raise him as his own son; that no one would ever know."  Now Marlene was weeping.  "He's such a good man, Eries.  I don't deserve him."  

"You're falling in love with him."  I hadn't meant for it to come out like an accusation, but looking back on it, I don't see how else Marlene could have taken it.  _Damn you, Marlene.  What about Allen?  Don't you even care anymore?  A part of me hated her for hurting Allen.  But, then again, who was I to begrudge Marlene the contentment she had found?  _

"Eries…don't look at me like that.  Please, try to understand-"

"I do, Marlene.  I think it's good for you to love your husband.  He seems to care a great deal for you, as well."

"He _does, Eries," she declared emphatically.  "How…how is Allen?"_

"I wouldn't know.  Father has sent him about as far away from Palas as he could.  Exiled say the gossipmongers, but he's probably better off out there in the wilderness than back at court dealing with all the criticism."

Marlene nodded.  "Eries, I know we've never been close…but I'd like to ask a favor of you."

I sighed wearily.  "Go on."

"When you see him again, make sure he's happy.  You can do that, can't you, Eries?  You always knew how to make him smile."

_No, Marlene.  That was you._

"Please excuse me; I think I need some fresh air."  I fled her quarters without a backward glance.  I felt betrayed by both of them.  How could they have been so careless in their love, so selfish?  Did neither of them think of the consequences their actions might bring?  Apparently not.  They had been young and foolish.  I had been fooled as well by my own ignorance and naivety.  I had not known the full nature of their relationship, not that it had been any of my business.

A couple of years later, when Marlene died, I decided to concentrate on making sure Millerna never made the same mistakes that Marlene and I had.  

~*~

"You still love her."  

I nodded.  "I think I always will."

"Allen…"

"I'm glad I have you as my friend, Eries.  You're the only person I feel I can be honest with sometimes."

Instead of the smile I had been expecting, she sighed warily saying, "Stay away from Millerna, Allen.  She's not like Marlene was, you know."

I was hurt by her casual accusation that I was after her sister.  She, who knew me better than anyone, was accusing me of living up to my reputation.  Perhaps I had deserved as much, and that's why I never tried to change anyone's perceptions.  But, to know that Eries thought that about me…why did it feel as if my heart was breaking all over again?

"I told you before that I'd never love again, it was as true then as it is now."

She looked at me as if she were searching for something.  Finally she said, "I don't think love works that way, Allen.  Besides, your refusal to love again will not stop others from feeling that way for you.  Hearts are not something to toy around with, just remember that as you go on collecting them."  And with those words she turned and walked away from me.  I was left feeling confused, but I gave myself no time to sort things out in my mind.  There was a war going on and that was far more important than straightening out my own mangled emotions.  After, I told myself.  When this war was over I'd have to finally confront myself.  That was one battle I was not looking forward to.

~*~

Excessive AN:  This part was a lot harder to write than I initially thought it would be.  Mostly because about half way into the fic I realized that I don't really like Allen's character that much.  So, his scenes in particular were challenging for me to write (and that also explains why they are shorter than the Eries scenes).  I hope I didn't make him too OOC.  ^_^;;;

Some scenes I left sorta vague on purpose.  ^_^

I also wanted to give some sort of plausible explanation for why Eries wasn't the next in line for succession.  Although I know that the general conception is that it's because she was in love with Allen she refused to marry.  Even though this explanation is given by the producer of the show, I just don't buy it.  After all, both Marlene and Millerna were in love with Allen, and neither of them seemed to have much of a choice in who they married, so why should Eries be an exception?  Er…anyway, I hope it all made sense.  

Part two will pick up where the prologue left off.  I'm not sure when it will be out, so I'm not making any promises except to say that it will get written as soon as I have time.  Reviews are _muchly appreciated._

Serena B   03/07/02


	3. Part Two: Home Again

Standard Disclaimer: Escaflowne and it's characters don't belong to me.  I'm merely borrowing them.  Any other characters are from my own imagination.  I only write this stuff for fun, I don't make any money off of it, so please don't sue me.

Part Two:  Home Again

"Um…Allen?"  

When he spoke his breath tickled her ear causing her to shiver in his embrace.  "Does this make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes…" she replied, her voice a bit breathless.

Allen let out a low chuckle and stepped away from her.  She turned to face him, there was a fire in her eyes and her fair face was flushed.  "If you value our friendship at all, you won't do that again.  I'm not one of your little fans; your charm doesn't work so easily on me, sir."

Allen gave her a disbelieving look.  "Oh really?"  He cupped her face with one of his hands.

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered.

He didn't answer; he just continued to stare intently at her.

"Allen, please…"

"Please, what?  Tell me what you want."  His voice was low, seducing.  He didn't give her a chance to respond before he lowered his mouth to hers.

She was lost for a moment in the sensation of his lips against her own.  Then she began to panic.  This was _Allen kissing her.  And as often as she had dreamt of this moment in the past, she had long given up any hope of it ever happening.  In fact, she was sure that it was in both their best interests if she ended it right now.  Yes, that would certainly be the best action.  Any time now.  Well, one more second wouldn't matter much, would it?_

He drew away from her slowly, smiling when she instinctively followed him.  She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I always wondered what that would be like," he said once he had gathered his wits.

"You shouldn't have done that."

Allen sighed.  "Perhaps," he allowed.  He considered her for a moment.  "I suppose you're angry with me now."

Eries thought for a minute before responding.  "I should be; in fact, I have every right to be.  However, for the sake of our friendship, I'll just pretend this never happened."  _Liar.__  You'll remember that kiss for the rest of your life.  _

~*~

"How is Allen?" Millerna asked Eries at dinner that evening.

"Allen is much as he ever was," she replied.  Millerna rolled her eyes at her sister's cryptic remark.

"I suppose I won't get any decent information out of _you," she grumbled._

Eries sighed and set down her fork giving Millerna a look of impatience.  "Allen is the last thing you should be worried about right now, Millerna.  Father is ill, and someone needs to take charge of the kingdom.  I suggest you start to grow up and take your responsibilities seriously, Sister."

Things had dissolved into an argument from there only ending once Millerna had fled the room in tears.

Eries felt guilty; she shouldn't have taken her frustrations out on Millerna.  Her sister was still very much a young girl despite the hardships she had gone through during the war.    

That night she tossed and turned.  Her thoughts kept returning to Allen and the kiss they had shared.  She blamed herself as much as him.  After all, she certainly hadn't tried to stop him.

_Fool.  You've only been in love with him since childhood.  Of course you'd enjoy his kisses._

~*~

Allen was out, the housekeeper informed Eries when she arrived at his home the next afternoon.  

"Where is Lady Celena?  Did she go with him?"

"No, Your Highness.  She's still sleeping.  Poor thing; she must have gone through quite an ordeal to be so tuckered out."

_You have no idea, Eries thought to herself.  "What about Allen's crew?  Are they also out?" she asked, remembering that some of the crew of the Crusade was staying in Allen's home temporarily.  She was suddenly angry that Allen had left his sister, who was very much in a delicate state, at home with no one other than a few servants to look after her welfare._

"No, Your Highness.  Not all of us, anyway."  

Eries turned towards the voice.  There was a tall man leaning against the doorframe of Allen's library.  He was dressed casually and his short, dark hair had a disheveled look.  

"Gaddes, right?"

He nodded.  She breathed a sigh of relief.  "Thank the Gods.  I guess Allen hasn't taken leave of his senses after all."

Gaddes raised an eyebrow at that statement.  "Thanks for answerin' the door, Luce.  You can go on back to whatever you were doin'."

The housekeeper nodded and headed towards the kitchen.  "You were sayin', Princess?"

"Oh, I was just concerned that Allen had left his sister alone.  But, I see now that I was incorrect in my assumption."

"Did you come to check up on the girl, then?"

Eries nodded.  She wasn't sure what to make of Gaddes.  His speech was a bit rough, and his appearance, but he seemed to be somewhat well mannered despite that.

"She's been sleepin' sound all day, Your Highness."

"Oh.  Do you know when Allen should be back?"

"Probably within the hour, I'd say.  He went to see how the repairs on the Crusade where comin' along."

"Couldn't he have sent you to do that?"

Gaddes shrugged.  "I guess he wanted to see for himself.  You're more than welcome to wait around until the boss gets back, Your Highness."

When he arrived home nearly an hour later, Allen was a bit surprised to hear laughter coming from his library.  At first, he thought Celena may have finally awakened, but as he drew closer to the sound he recognized Eries' voice.  He opened the door to find her seated by the window, the late afternoon sunlight spilled in giving her normally pale hair and skin a golden look.  She turned towards him, alerted by the sound of the door creaking open.  Gaddes was seated across from her, comfortably lounging on his sofa.

"I didn't realize you were entertaining," Allen remarked dryly to his sergeant.

"Just trying to be friendly, Boss,' Gaddes said with a grin.

Eries' sly smile faltered slightly.  "Gaddes was kind enough to amuse me with tales of your exploits while I waited for you to return."

Allen only raised an eyebrow at them.  Sensing the tension between Allen and the princess, Gaddes suddenly announced that he had something important to do, nodded politely to Eries when she thanked him for his company, and exited the room, leaving the two of them alone.

"After yesterday, I didn't think I'd see you again so soon, Eries," Allen remarked settling himself on the sofa Gaddes had just vacated.

"I'm not going to cease being your friend just because of one foolish moment, Allen.  We've remained friends through much worse."  The implications of that statement were not lost on Allen.

"You won't let me forget my indiscretion, will you?" he asked her wearily.

She sighed.  "I don't think you could forget such a thing, even if you tried.  And, I wouldn't want you to, anyway.  What went on between my sister and yourself was wrong, but I think you've already been punished enough by having to live with the consequences of your actions.  I don't want to hurt you, Allen; I want to help you.  But I don't know how to do that.  You distance yourself from everyone, including me.  You hide behind your charm like it was a curtain.  Don't think I don't know what that kiss was all about yesterday." 

He refused to meet her gaze.  "And what about you?  I'm not the only one who hides, Eries.  You have your secrets, too."

"Oh, here is a demonstration of Clever Hiding Tactic Number Two:  Turning the tables on the nosy princess."

"Eries…"   

She waved her hand at him in a gesture of dismissal.  "No, you're correct, Allen.  I have no right to pry.  Although, I hope you realize it's only my concern for you that causes me to do so."

He was silent.  Finally he said, "I never asked for your sympathy."

"Don't mistake concern for pity, Allen.  The only one feeling sorry for you is yourself."  She moved from her chair to sit beside him on the sofa.  She took his hand with one of her own.  "Our arguments grow tiresome; let's not fight anymore, Allen."   

A knock at the door interrupted the silence.  Gaddes poked his head in the door a second later.  "Sorry to interrupt, but I thought you'd wanna know, Boss.  Your sister's finally awakened."

Allen looked at Eries and smiled grimly.  She could see the nervousness in his eyes.  He squeezed her hand with his own.  "Will you come with me?"  

Eries forced herself to return his smile.  "Of course I will."

~*~

Over the next few weeks Eries found herself spending more and more time with Allen as they carefully observed his sister's recovery.  The girl had been through the gates of hell and had survived.  At first, no one was sure what to expect.  Some of the doctors had predicted that Celena would awaken with only the memories of the time before she had become Dilandau; in other words, she would have the mind of a child.  Others said that she would likely remember everything from her experiences as Dilandau.  The only thing they seemed to agree on was that her mind would probably not function as would a normal person due to the trauma.  Eries had been hoping they were wrong, as much as for the girl's sake as for Allen's. 

In those first few days, Celena spent much of her time sleeping, although the amount of time she spent awake grew more and more each day.  At first, she was very timid.  She was confused as to where she was and what had happened to her, not really too surprising given the circumstances.  Despite that, her mind seemed sound enough, which Eries was extremely grateful for.

Allen was being a bit overprotective of his sister, in Eries opinion.  The next time she visited Celena, she learned that she wasn't the only one to hold with that opinion.

"Princess Eries?"

"Just Eries is fine, Celena.  What did you need?"

The girl let out a long suffering sigh which caused Eries to bite back a smile.  "Allen won't let me go outside.  In fact, he barely allows me to get out of bed.  Can't you say something to him?"

Eries did smile at her then.  "I think your brother is just trying to protect you.  Besides, what makes you think he'd listen to me?"

Celena blushed slightly and looked down at her comforter.  "I see the way you are with him.  He listens to you, Eries.  He respects your opinion.  I'm not an invalid; I can walk if only Allen would let me.  How am I ever going to get my strength back by lying in bed all day?"  She looked up at Eries, her expression pleading.

Eries sighed.  "Alright, I'll talk to him."  Celena's eyes immediately lit up with hope.  "But, I can't promise you anything will come of it."

"Thank you, Eries.  I know he'll change his mind if you talk to him."

"Talk to whom about what?"

Eries turned to see none other than the object of their discussion standing in the doorway.  "Allen, eavesdropping is a nasty habit, you know.  Very unbecoming for someone of your station, I might add."

"I wasn't eavesdropping; I was coming into the room when I heard the two of you talking."

"But you listened and that's what qualifies you as an eavesdropper.  You shall forever be branded as such now, there's no avoiding it.  No one in the upper circles will want to have anything to do with you, I'm afraid."

"Is that all?  No worries then, for everyone in the upper circles already avoids me; everyone except for you, Princess.  By the way, your clever ploy to distract me from what you were speaking about with my sister hasn't worked.  Now, fess up."

Celena shot Eries a panicked expression, but the princess smiled calmly in return.

"Don't you think it's beautiful outside today?" Eries asked suddenly.

Allen looked confused for a moment.  "I suppose the weather is fair enough.  To what purpose is this leading, Eries?"

"Nothing, really.  I just thought that since the weather was so agreeable your sister might enjoy a little outdoor picnic for lunch.  It would be good for her.  The girl needs some sun on her."

"Oh, please, Allen.  I haven't been outside since forever.  It would be so much fun," Celena pleaded.

"Fun?"  Allen still looked undecided.  

Eries made a sound of exasperation.  "Yes, fun, Allen.  You have heard of the concept before, haven't you?  Or, perhaps your brother is growing hard of hearing before his time, Celena."

Celena giggled.

Allen frowned.  "I don't know.  You're still very fragile, Celena.  I wouldn't want to jeopardize your recovery."

Celena looked as if she might cry at Allen's words; or worse, jump up from the bed and attack him.  Seeing Celena's distress, Eries shot Allen a glare.  "She's not made of glass, Allen.  I may not be a doctor but even I know that it isn't healthy to stay shut up inside all of the time."  She paused for a minute before saying, "Of course, I could always _order you to let Celena outside."_

Allen sighed.  "Fine, fine.  I can't fight you both."  He gave Eries a hard look.  "If anything happens to her…"

"I'll take full responsibility," Eries said smiling.

Between the two of them they managed to get Celena outside and settled on a blanket in the shade of a tree.  And, although Allen grumbled half heartedly the whole time, he admitted that he was happy to hear his sister's laughter once again.  

~*~

A few weeks later King Aston died.

Eries wandered out of the room, giving Millerna over to her husband's care.  At least Millerna had Dryden; she had someone to lean on.  She wandered out into the rainy night.  It was dark and cold, and her cloak was little protection against the weather.  She snuck into the stables and, after saddling her horse, made her way to Allen's home.  By the time she arrived she was soaked clear through to the skin and shivering.

The housekeeper answered the door.  She had clearly woken the woman; she was in her nightgown with a robe wrapped about her.  She opened the door and ushered Eries in as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be receiving guests in the middle of the night.  

"I'll go wake Sir Allen, Your Highness," the woman said leaving Eries by herself in the front hallway.  She waited, listening to the sounds of water dripping off her clothes onto the floor.  Upstairs she heard a door open and then footsteps coming towards the stairs.  Allen appeared on the steps a few minutes later looking more than a bit disheveled.  His hair was in disarray and he was wearing a loose robe.  

"Eries?  What are you doing here at this hour?"  He took one look at her face and knew something was wrong.  She was paler than usual and her gaze seemed a bit unfocused.  He made his way towards her.

"You're drenched!  What were you thinking coming here in this weather?"  He turned towards the housekeeper who had come down the stairs behind him.  "Have a fire started in the guest room, Luce.  And, can you see that a warm bath is brought up as well?"

"Right away, sir."

Once they were alone he asked her what had happened.

"The King has died."

He didn't know how to respond to that.  King Aston had never been one of his favorite people, yet he was Eries father and although he knew that they had had their differences, she was still apt to mourn his passing.

"Let's get you warmed up, and out of these wet clothes before you get sick."  He reached up to unpin her cloak but Eries hand stayed his own.  Their eyes met.  Allen sighed and put his arms about her in a gentle embrace.  He could feel how cold she was through the thin fabric of his robe; she was trembling from it.  

"What do you need me to do?" he whispered to her.

"I don't know."

They were quiet for several minutes.  They just stood there together holding one another.  

"I'm getting you wet," Eries mumbled.

"That's alright."  

Taking her hand, he led her upstairs to his guest room.  He left her there for a minute in search of dry clothing for her.

"Here," he said handing her one of his white linen shirts.  "I didn't want to disturb Celena, so you can just wear this until morning.  Perhaps your own clothes may be dry by then."  She nodded dully.  Allen was really beginning to worry about her.  "Are you going to be alright?  I'll send Luce in to help you with your bath if you want."

"I'll be fine."

Although the bath had warmed her up, it didn't help her to feel any better.  She lay on the bed fully awake.  Why had she come here?  She had been foolish to think that Allen would offer her any form of comfort.  Being here only reminded her how alone she truly was.  With a sigh she sat up and slid from the bed pulling on the robe that Allen had left for her.  She left the room as quietly as she could and made her way down the hall towards Allen's bedroom.  She opened the door slowly.  

He wasn't in bed.  The fire was going in the hearth giving the room a soft glow.  He was seated in a comfortable looking chair in front of said fire.  She stepped into the room closing the door softly behind her.  At first she thought he was awake, but as she approached him she realized that his eyes were closed.  As she made her way towards him, a loose floorboard creaked, alerting him.  His eyes flew open causing her to stop in her tracks.  He gave her a concerned look.

"Eries?  What—"

"I couldn't sleep."  He stood and stretched, grabbed her hand and led her to the bed.  

"Go on, climb in."

She did as she was told and got into the bed sliding between the soft layers of sheets, turning on her side with her back to him.  She felt the bed dip and realized that Allen had gotten in beside her.  He put his arm around her and pulled her against him.  At first she was tense, but as the heat from his body warmed her own she began to relax.  

"Allen?"

"Hmm?"

"You don't think this is a bit awkward?"

"No.  Get some rest, Eries."

Eries sighed.  She could tell by Allen's soft breathing a few minutes later that he had fallen asleep.  She tried not to focus on any of the thousands of things that were running through her mind.   Finally, after what seemed like forever, she drifted off to sleep in the comfort of his arms.

~*~

When Eries awoke, the brightness of the sun indicated that it was far past dawn which is when she usually rose from bed.  She turned in the bed and wasn't much surprised to find that Allen had already gotten up.  She felt better after her long rest.  She looked around the room for something more appropriate to wear than Allen's shirt when the door opened and Celena came in.  

"Oh, I'm glad you're awake, Princess Eries.  My brother asked me to bring you your dress.  It's dry now."  She laid the garment on the bed.  "I'm sorry to hear about your father, Your Highness."  

"Thank you, Celena.  And, I told you before, you don't have to call me 'princess' and all of that.  I'm a friend of the family, after all."

"Right, I'm sorry.  I keep forgetting.  Allen said to let you know that there was food waiting for you in the dining room, if you were hungry."

"Food would be very much welcome; I'm famished.  Where is your brother?"

"He went out this morning saying he would be back this afternoon.  I expect him back any time now."  The girl was silent for several moments clearly debating something.  

"Was there something else you wanted to tell me, Celena?"

"Are you and Allen going to get married now?"

"What?"

"Well, you did spend the night with him, after all."

"We're only friends," Eries protested.

"Yet you slept in his bed," the younger girl pointed out.

"Celena."  Allen's voice startled them both and they turned to see him standing in the open doorway.  Eries felt herself flush with embarrassment, much to her own dismay.  "You shouldn't be so impertinent to Princess Eries."

"I'm sorry, Allen," Celena said, immediately contrite.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."

"I'm sorry if I offended you, Princess Eries.  I won't bring it up again.  Please don't be angry with me."

"I'm not angry with you, Celena.  Besides," she shot Allen a pointed look, "seeing as how I've warned your brother on the evils of eavesdropping before, he should not have been listening."

Celena grinned and Allen let out an exasperated sigh.  "Celena, you can leave us now," he said, dismissing his sister.  The girl bid goodbye to Eries and left the room.  

"You didn't need to be so hard on her," Eries admonished him once they were alone.

"She shouldn't have said that, Eries."

"But, its true, isn't it?"

"That doesn't excuse her behavior.  She was disrespectful and the topic didn't concern her."

"Fine, raise your sister as you see fit, Allen.  Sap all the happiness out of her, if it pleases you.  Don't let her have a mind of her own.  Just so long as she grows up to be a proper lady, then it's worth it, right?"

Allen was surprised at her sudden anger.  He was about to let his own anger get the better of him when he noticed the moisture gathered in her eyes.  He sighed and sat down beside her on the bed.  "Why don't you relax, take a deep breath, and tell me what is really bothering you?"

Eries was silent for several minutes before replying.  "I did a lot of thinking last night.  Seeing how you are with Celena…it reminds me of Millerna.  She's been going through so much recently, and now she'll have even more responsibilities."  She let out a weary sigh.  "I've often wondered if I've done the right thing where she's concerned.  I've done my best to protect her, but maybe I should have let her make her own mistakes.  She may have been better off that way."

Allen sighed and put his arm around her allowing her to lean into his side.  "You did what you thought was right, Eries.  Millerna has turned out to be a fine princess, a little unconventional perhaps, but she has a good heart.  She'll make a wonderful queen."

"Thank you, Allen.  I needed to hear that right now."

He smiled.  "Like you always say, what are friends for?"

~*~

"Allen!"  He turned to see Millerna bounding towards him in her usual fashion.

"Queen Millerna.  I haven't seen much of you lately," Allen said smoothly.  "In fact, I believe this is the first time I've seen you since your coronation several weeks ago."

She blushed.  "I've been busy."

"Ah, yes.  I hear from your sister that married life finally agrees with you."  He laughed when her face reddened further.

"It's interesting that you should bring that up," she said, recovering swiftly, "because that is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.  Well, actually Dryden and I were discussing things and he thought that maybe it would be better if I talked to you instead of the both of us since the two of you don't really seem to get on that well—"

"What exactly is it you wanted to discuss with me, Your Majesty?"

"Marriage," Millerna blurted out before she lost her nerve.

"Marriage?" Allen asked, confused.  "Whose?"

"Um, yours and my sister's?"

Allen blinked several times.  "Did you just ask me to marry your sister?"

"Well, I must admit I wasn't very eloquent, but that's the gist of it."

He was silent for several seconds.  "Have you brought this up with Eries?"

Millerna shook her head.  "No.  I wanted to see what you'd think first.  I know Eries has been spending a lot of time with you, and the two of you have always gotten along well.  It's just that, I don't want Eries to be alone for the rest of her life.  She deserves the same happiness that I've found.  And, you're a wonderful person, Allen.  I know you'd be good for her."

Allen thought long and hard before he replied.  "And you think marrying me would make her happy?"

Millerna looked at him hopefully.  "What if I talked to her?  Perhaps I could persuade her—"

Allen laughed.  "Pardon me Your Majesty, but your sister is just as stubborn as you, if not more so.  I doubt she'd be persuaded if she had her mind set against it."

~*~

A few days later, when Eries visited again, Allen took her into the library to speak to her privately.  She thought he wanted to discuss his sister so she was unprepared for his sudden proposal of marriage.  She sat in stunned silence for several moments before she could gather her wits enough to manage speech.

"Allen…I can't."

"Why not?"

"I won't marry someone that doesn't love me.  Not again."

Allen was insulted at being compared to her first husband.  "Eries, you know I'd never treat you that way.  I would have hoped you'd thought more of me than that."

"It's not that, Allen.  I know you are a gentleman.  It wouldn't be fair to you, though.  You deserve to have love in marriage; especially after all…I'm sorry.  I won't change my mind about this."

He sighed.  "You know that I'll never love again."

"And that's why I can't marry you.  I'm sorry, Allen.  You should have just left things as they were."  With those words she left his house and fled back to the palace.

~*~

Eries was a bit surprised to find Celena and Gaddes waiting for her in her quarters one afternoon.  It had been weeks since she had visited Allen's sister.  She felt a bit guilty over that, but she wasn't quite ready to deal Allen yet, so she avoided the place altogether.

"Eries, please come back to the villa.  I don't know what I did to make you upset, but whatever it is, I'm sorry.  I promise I'll be more respectful towards you.  And, I'll act more like a proper lady should.  I'm trying to be a good sister, but I think I've failed Allen by chasing you away."

"Oh, Celena.  You didn't chase me away.  The reason I left has nothing to do with you.  I'm sorry if I made you feel that way."

"You'll come home, then?"  Celena's eyes held a hopeful expression. 

_Home; yes, I suppose I did begin to think of it as that._

Eries shook her head sadly.  "I think it's best if I stay at the palace for now.  I just need some time to myself for a while."

"May I come and visit you, then?"

Eries smiled at the younger girl.  "Of course."

Gaddes cleared his throat.  "Celena, you wanna wait outside for me?  I'll only be a minute."

Celena's brow creased in confusion but she obeyed him after telling Eries she'd come by to see her again tomorrow.  

Eries herself was curious as to what Gaddes wanted to talk to her about.

"Far be it from me to meddle in the boss' business, but have you told him yet?" he asked her once Celena had left.

"Told him what?"

"That you're in love with him."

She paused before saying, "There are times I like your bluntness, Gaddes, and then there are times I think you would do better to keep your thoughts to yourself."

He grinned, unperturbed by her criticism.  "I'm guessing that's a no, then."

Eries sighed and brushed a stray hair back behind her ear.  "I don't want to hurt him, Gaddes.  He's had enough to deal with in his life."

"Pardon my ignorance, but how could that hurt him?"

"Because, he would feel responsible for it somehow, and then his sense of chivalry would kick in," Eries explained.   

Gaddes still looked confused.  "I still don't get what you're sayin', Princess.  I don't think there's ever a bad time to tell someone you love them."  He cleared his throat.  "Anyway, I've gotta get Celena back home.  I hope you won't stay away too long, Princess."

~*~

Although it took her almost a fortnight to concede that perhaps Gaddes had been on to something, she eventually did go to Allen's to confront him.  As it turned out, she wasn't the only one who wanted things settled between the two of them, although Allen's feelings were quite different from her own.

"Eries, I wish things between us could be as they used to.  I want to be your friend again."

"You never stopped being my friend, Allen."

His confusion was clear in his voice.  "But, I thought you were angry with me.  I thought I had ruined everything.  That's why you've been avoiding me, isn't it?"  

She shook her head slowly.  "I wasn't really angry with you, just at the circumstances.  Allen, this is very hard for me to say.  I…you don't know how much I wanted to say 'yes' to you the other day.  I care about you so very much.  I couldn't allow you to marry me if your feelings weren't involved also.  It wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"You…love me?"

Eries nodded slowly.  

"How long have you known this?"

"I always have."  Then she laughed, because she was sure that if she didn't she was going to start to cry and _that was unacceptable.  "I just broke my promise to myself by telling you that.  I hope you're happy with yourself."_

"I don't know what to say," he remarked quietly.

"Just don't make any more silly propositions, anything else would be acceptable."

"I can't believe you're making jokes at a time like this, Eries."

She shrugged.  "What else would you have me do?"  She sighed.  "Allen, you're not going to hurt me by telling me you don't return my feelings; I've already accepted that."  _Liar.  "So you see, I've saved you the trouble saying it aloud."_

Allen looked unsure.  "You're really alright?"

Eries nodded.  "You're always my friend first, Allen."

He smiled.  "And you're mine."

~*~

AN:  You may have noticed that Eries and Allen's relationship is still somewhat unresolved at the end of this fic.  This is partly because I'm an evil wench ^_~    It's mostly due to the fact that this fic is a side story to my main fic (Finding Her Roots *plug plug*) and their relationship is still unresolved in that one (and it takes place much later than this one). 

This chapter revolved much around the dialogue of the characters.  It's weird, because I never used to be good at writing dialogue, and now it seems like that's all I write.  *shrugs*  Oh well.  I hoped everyone enjoyed this fic.  I worked really hard on it.  Thanks, to everyone that reviewed.  Especially Aerika S, your comments were particularly helpful.  Remember, reviews are an author's life blood.  Let me know what you think. 

Serena B  03/18/02


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